|
Zenjaran
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Daniel
Country: Sweden
Metro: Gothenburg
Birthday: 4/1/1982
Gender: Male
Interests: Computers, Hunting, Fishing, Fantasy books/stories reading/writing, Photography, Gamedevelopment, WoW ( World of Warcraft if you didn't know ) and Women (!)
Expertise: Software development - Code and Project management, Corrosion Protective painting ( seems outa place here doesn't it :P ), Computer networks.
Had to add this somewhere:
*lol*
Occupation: Consulting
Industry: Computers (Software)
Message: message me
AIM: ?on_url=http://www.aol.com:80/aim/gr/online.gif&off_url=http://www.aol.com:80/aim/gr/offline.gif) Ask, and who knows ;)
MSN: See above
ICQ:  See above
Member Since:
10/28/2005
|
|
| Work WorkSo, after working all last weekend, and not being able to take monday + tuesday off like i planned,
i was hoping to atleast take half of friday off. Of course on thursday morning, one of my clients called
and he'd had a thunderstrike in his server, so i had to order a new server for him, and today ( friday ) install
it. Managed to get home around 7-ish, not half bad i guess, but given that i was aiming for 12, it kinda sucked.
But hey ! Its the weekend now, a few days for rest ( yeah, right ) and then its back to full-speed.
Trying to find a place to live, I'm so tired of living with my parents, but unless i find a decent place, what am i going to do ?? yeah, exactly zip. Thought i'd found a decent house, but realised it was meant to be a summer vacation-home and not really prepared for winter, so no house for me. Atleast there.. I really want a place with a good basement so i can build a proper server-space. I really need somewhere to set up an experimental cluster etc. AND i need to get myself a photo-development lab.. main problem is i want to be able to develop digital images.. i guess its a bit hard to make that in a home environment, but hey, problems exist to be overcome right ? :) I have some ideas how it can be solved, but i need to try it out before i set out any details...
Well, off to install a linux media-laptop. Have fun my friends
Ps. See ? Normal blogging.. I'm kind of impressed myself, i'll try to keep this thing up to date, and might even start adding some proper info here.
Ds.
| | |
| Fresh Start of some sort.So, I've been thinking, why do I only write here when I'm feeling down ?
Probably because I don't feel I have the time. Of course, the whole concept of "not having time" seems
kind of fabricated to me. I'll try and get some meaningful things in here instead. Can't write much more right
now, seeing as how I need to get to work. So, a solemn wove, starting tomorrow, I'll do my best to keep
this here thing updated, with the various things about me. We'll see how that goes, ey ?
Anyway, off to work I go.
| | |
| The EndSo this is the end, i can't take any more, so i plain and simple give up.
Let the fasad fall, let the masquerade end. I am not happy as your friend, I'm not even fooling my self anymore. I want you back. Simple as that. But you say it wouldn't work, so fine, I give up. I wish you all the happiness with your new boyfriend ( or whatever he is ), for you deserve to be truely happy. You say you've ruined for your self in the past because you don't want to loose me. Well, newsflash, you will loose me. I'm sorry, but it's the bitter truth, I cannot be your friend, I've tried that for so long, It doesn't work. But knowing myself, i'll go back to wearing a mask, pretending everything is ok, because after all, why should I still hurt from loosing you ey ? I don't think people realise how deep our bond go, I think you have come to realise that, and thats probably all that matters. We know what it is, and why it is there. But still, nomatter what pain I feel, tomorrow, or the day after, I will be back where I was, pretending to be your friend, pretending everything is great. IT'S NOT GREAT ! IT'S FUCKED UP!, There, I had to get that part out.
So to continue the rambling ( Yes, I have sincere doubts that this is anything aside from rambling, there is no structure what so ever. ). I realised after I dropped you off why i had been so happy all day. It was because I was going to see you. That's the pure naked reality. I Love you ! unconditionally, and fully. But yeah, You don't want me back, so what am I supposed to do ? I'll move away, I'll hope you find happiness, and that I will one day find someone to love like I love You.
You know, I don't think I care about anything anymore. I've finally lost the last shred of sanity.
Good bye my friends, the daniel you knew is fading away, soon he will be gone. And then you will meet the new me, the cold, uncaring me. It is my last defense, all else has failed, I have no option but to remove myself from my emotions, before I go insane.
A good night to you all, and may god, or whatever diety you pray to, watch over you and guard you.
| | |
| I'm Going to hell, who's coming with me ?So, i realised today that i am stuck..
so how am i stuck, one might ask. Well, let me take a while to try and explain it. I am partially stuck in the past, because i can't seem to let it go, i can't seem to move forward, in the direction i want/need to go. Also, i seem to be stuck in this room. No matter what i try, i can't seem to get out. I'm also stuck inside my own head, and thats probably the worst part. No matter where i go, im still with me..
It's not so strange that i am alone, when even I can't stand me...
Oh well, i guess i should go do something productive, like putting paper in a pile or something.
Till next we meet, fare you well, and may the evil that befouls my mind stay clear of you, my friends.
| | |
| A thin dark LineWalking on a very thin dark line,
The edge of a black hole,
Taking each step carefully not to fall down,
Yet there are things pushing me,
closer and closer to the edge.
I wonder if they want me to fall in,
It would probably solve alot of things,
Make things easier for some,
For me most of all i guess, no more worry
No more pain. No more dark thoughts.
I have seen what lies beyond that rim,
Sweet and utter complete oblivion,
No more regrets, No more "What if"s
Just pure beautiful Nothingness
So now i go to take in a small part
of that nothingness through sleep.
I do not sleep much, if indeed at all.
I haven't done in a long time now,
but when i do fall asleep it is into
that sweet oblivion, almost beyond
the line, not quite, but very, very close
And No, its not supposed to be poetry, well not in the traditional sense, its just a way of writing that i have developed over the years, it follows no proper rules, and it quite probably sucks, stricktly litterally speaking, but i don't care, i need towrite every now and then, and how i write is completely up to me, and ifanyone feels offended then my honest oppinion is that you can kiss my ass.
To make things a bit more clear, I don't care about anything, i have lost faith in humanity, in the well-meaning of man. We're all egoistic bastards anyway.
To quote Mr. Marshal Mathers aka Eminem,
"I'm going to hell, Who's coming with me ?
Good night, and may sleep bring you happy dreams, or perhaps lack of dreams.
Sometimes that might be the greatest gift you can recieve.
| | |
|
